Alec got drunk
by betterontheotherside
Summary: in which Alec is afraid of becoming a spider, and Magnus realizes that he should never ever give Alec any Vodka again. Ever. Written for Veronica, because this is based on a true story.


**IF THE GRAMMAR SUCKS IN THIS FANFIC IT'S BECAUSE THERE ARE RUN-ON SENTENCES TO SHOW THAT THE PERSON IS RAMBLING. **

**You'll see what I mean =/**

**THIS FANFICTION IS DEDICATED TO MY BEST FRIEND,**

**VERONICA.**

**Because she got drunk and went crazy, and I will forever bug her about spiders until the day of her death, and when we're in our graves I'll whisper through the dirt,**

"_**spiders."**_

**(You'll understand why that's a funny joke after you read this fanfic.)**

Magnus stared at the boy on his bed, wondering what the fuck had happened in his life to have this happen to him. Honestly, he was going to die. That was it. Yeah, he was going to die, and it would be because of the boy in his bed.

"Alec if you moan one more time I'm going to slit your throat." Magnus muttered awkwardly.

Alec blinked."But I like my throat." He paused. "You're silly."

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "right…" he sighed. "what are you doing?" Alec had decided to roll himself in the blankets like a cocoon, then unravel himself, then weave himself back in again, then unravel, and then repeat it over and over.

Alec grinned crookedly. "I… dunno," he slurred.

"are you feeling okay?"

The boy laughed_._ "I feel great, Maggie. Except my head is pounding. Wait, maybe that's my heart?" he giggled. _Giggled. _Alec Lightwood did not giggle. That was a _fact. _"pathump, pathump, pathump, pathump!" He exploded into a fit of laughter.

Magnus blinked. "Alec, dear, are you intoxicated at the moment?"

Alec sat up on the bed, still in the blanket cocoon. He gave Magnus a weird look. "I'm not… intock…in…into…int—" he huffed. "In… Tock—tock… tick tock." He laughed. "I'm a clock, Mag! Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick…" Then, "I like pie. Do you like pie, Magnus? I like it a lot. It tastes good."

Magnus mentally face palmed himself. "yes, I do like pie."

Alec's face lit up. "that's awesome!"

"yes," Magnus said, "it is."

Suddenly, his phone beeped and he went to answer the text.

_**Where's Alec?**_

Magnus texted,

_**Where, as in where in the city, or where as in the universe?**_

_**The fuck. I mean is he at your house?**_

_**Yeah.**_

_**Tell him to come home. **_

_**I can't exactly do that.**_

_**Why not? **_

_**He's on my bed.**_

_**MAGNUS.**_

_**No not like that! He got drunk. Just tell your parents he's had a rough day or something and he can't go home right away.**_

_**Fine. How did he get drunk?**_

_**Too much vodka.**_

_**WHY**_

_**I had a party a few minutes ago…**_

_**OHMYGOD MAGNUS WHY**_

_**Isabelle calm down.**_

_**This isn't Isabelle.**_

_**Goldilocks.**_

_**Gay sparkles.**_

_**That's a good thing!**_

_**Whatever. Bye. Make sure Alec doesn't die.**_

_**Bye Goldilocks.**_

_**Stfu -_-**_

Magnus sighed, throwing his phone onto the stand next to his bed. Alec cocked his head. "Were you texting?"

Magnus nodded, "your brother wants you to go home."

Alec blinked. "I have a brother?" he burst out in a fit of giggles.

Magnus laughed, watching Alec giggle was the cutest thing on earth. He rarely was ever happy; usually depressed that he had to put up with Jace, or Izzy, or the world, or just life in general.

"Hey, Magnus!" Alec said suddenly, eyes bright.

"yes?"

"What if…" Alec said dramatically, "what if we typed with our _fingers?! _WE WOULD BE FREAKING SPIDERS!"

At that, Magnus stared blankly at his boyfriend. "what—What—wait—" he shook his head. "what?"

Alec nodded enthusiastically. "yeah! We would be like spider man! Except, we would be spider _men, _because that's plural." He frowned. "but then I'm leaving out the girls—"

"Alec," Magnus cut in, "I think it's time for you to go to bed."

"NO WAY I'M STILL NOT TIRED SEE LOOK I'M NOT TIRED AT ALL"

Magnus sighed. Of all the people in the world— _his _boyfriend was freaking out about _turning into a spider._

Magnus chuckled to himself. "how much of that pink drink did you have?"

Alec shrugged. "what pink drink? It's fuchsia. Duh, Magnus."

"Oh my god."

"is God real?"

"Alec…"

"I THINK IRON MAN IS REAL HOLY SHIT WHAT IF HE IS AND THE WORLD IS GOING TO EXPLODE LIKE WABAM AND WHOOOOOSH"

Magnus just stared blankly. How was he supposed to respond to that?

"And then it'll be like the mine turtle _ALL OVER AGAIN_."

Magnus was confused. "Mine turtle…?"

"HELLO!" Alec exclaimed, bouncing up and down. He had finally unravelled himself of the blanket cocoon, and was now playing with a pillow, looking very much like Chairman Meow.

"What?"

"ASD;LFJAKLJEALJDF!" Alec said, mimicking an explosion. "That's what happens when the Mine Turtle says hi."

"Right…"

"so this one time I was reading and Jace slapped the book out of my hands and I was really mad so I slapped him in the face and oh yeah there's this one part in the Bible where it says 'if someone slaps you, turn your other cheek around and let them slap you again' but that doesn't make sense to me, and so I just say 'if someone slaps you, turn around and _BITCH SLAP _them cause first of all slapping people is very rude—"

And then Alec proceeded to hide under the covers and shout random things that didn't make sense.

"oh, jeez." Magnus muttered, poking at the heap on blankets. There was a loud squeal, and then no movement. Magnus laughed. "are you dead, Alec?"

"YEAH" was the muffled reply.

He poked at the covers, murmuring, "Alec… Alec, where are you?" he threw back the sheets, and before Alec could react, pinned him to the bed. Magnus laughed at Alec's expression. "I'm the tickle monster." Magnus described, "and I'm going to tickle you."

Alec raised an eyebrow. "yeah? Well I'm going to be a freaking spider, because I type with my fingers!"

Magnus pretended to look scared. "okay…"

"SPIDER!" Alec yelled suddenly, and buried his head in the crook Magnus's neck. He yawned. "Tired."

Magnus chuckled, lying on his side with the boy curled into him. "Then sleep."

"But what if I turn into a spider? Then I'll have to type with my _fingers._"

"Oh, jeez, Alec." Magnus muttered, stroking his hair. "you're a crazy ass freak sometimes."

"like Spiders."

"sleep."

"Spiderrrrr"

"Sleep."

"SPIDER"

"Go the fuck to sleep"

"I KNOW! I'LL TYPE WITH MY PAL-palm- pa-" … "PLAM!"

Magnus sighed. "you mean palm."

"yeah, what's a plam?"

Alec began to giggle again, and Magnus shushed him. "quiet. Sleep."

"plam, plam, plam, plam…"

The last thing that was uttered before they both drifted into unconsciousness was,

"poopy head"

**What the fuck was that even…**

**Like ….**

**Honestly I have no fuckin idea what that was.**

**I hope you found that funny ^_^**

**Cause I wrote it FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT!**

**Yes, Adam Lambert jokes. I do it because I can.**

**OKAY BYE **

**~TeamJaceWayland, who really hopes Veronica liked this fanfic~**


End file.
